


A New Day Dawning

by tsheps



Series: If- [7]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Destroy Ending, F/F, Post-Mass Effect 3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-22
Updated: 2015-06-29
Packaged: 2018-03-31 15:53:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3983950
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsheps/pseuds/tsheps
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Ashley, Liara, and Garrus have rushed to the remains of the Citadel to find Shepard, but what they find there is beyond destruction.  This time, however, Ashley is not giving up on Kennedy keeping her promise.</p>
<p>The finale of my work 'If-'</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

Admiral Anderson sat against a low wall, a picture of unforced dignity, even in death.  Ashley approached him slowly, her assault rifle held loosely in both hands across her waist.  She knew at a glance that he was gone.  She bent down before him and looked into his worn features.  For the first time since she had known him, he looked at peace.

 " _'My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still; My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will; The ship is anchored safe and sound, its voyage closed and done_ ;'" Ashley spoke so softly into the dark that she could barely hear her own words, but she knew that Anderson could hear.  "Rest in peace, Admiral.  Thank you for giving me a shot.  You were the first one to believe in me."

She closed her eyes and said a brief prayer for Anderson, and when she opened her eyes again, she was all business.  With the lightest and most respectful touch she could manage, she was able to determine that rigor mortis had set, but was loosening.  He had been dead for around a day, and he had died where he sat now.  Next to him but at a distance that it could not have come from him, was a gut-wrenchingly large pool of dried blood.  The last anyone had heard, Anderson had followed Shepard into the beam and come to the Citadel.  There was every chance that the blood beside him was Shepard's.  And there was so much of it. 

Shepard wasn't there now, and that was, Ashley guessed, a good sign.  She was able to move from this spot, but how far could she have gone after having lost so much blood?  Ashley turned, still crouching down to survey the room.  On the far side of the room, almost hidden in shadow, was a body, face down, off to the side of a control panel.  Ashley hurried over, still bent, her heart refusing to beat until she saw that the shoes were not Alliance boots.  They were fine leather and far larger than Shepard’s.  It was the Illusive Man.  Ashley did not spare him any pity as she looked into his wide open, glassy eyes.  The gunshot that killed him looked like it could have been self-inflicted.  Maybe Shepard was able to talk sense into him in the end.  Maybe not.  Ashley didn't care one way or another.  One more monster gone.  No better than the Reapers.

Far away gunfire cut through her thoughts and brought her back to herself.  The Reapers may be dead, and the Citadel a ruin, but when they arrived there were still plenty of Cerberus troops to deal with.  Liara and Garrus were blazing her a path to the last known location of Shepard and Anderson, and taking care of pockets of resistance so that she could make her way through.  They had been amazing, and she would have to remember to thank them when she could think of anything other than getting to Shepard. 

Despite their best efforts, getting to her was taking too long.  Cortez could not find a suitable drop point close to the last contact point, and there was heavy resistance.  They had been fighting through the wreckage for many hours.  Mixed with the slow flight from the Normandy crash site, and it had been over a day since the Crucible fired.  

Ashley finished scanning the room and determined that there was no one else here.  In one corner was a device, cracked and sparking, that looked like it may have been a sort of beam similar to the one from Earth to the Crucible, but it wasn't taking Ashley anywhere.  The opening in the ceiling above it was accessible by climbing over some massive storage crates that had helpfully been stacked in a staircase pattern.  Strange how crates were always stacked like that, but she wasn't going to stop to complain now.  The gunshots finally stopped and she heard running feet as she pulled herself through the opening in the ceiling.  She dropped a blinking disc on the top crate to show Liara and Garrus how to follow, and sprinted down a hallway into a wide open observation deck.

It looked like the hell Dante described.  There were bodies of husks and humans piled against the walls at the entrance, and the main area appeared to have exploded.  Everything was charred.  There were ceiling beams and chunks of debris littering every surface.  Glass crunched under Ashley's feet and she entered the room, rifle raised, scanning for danger.  Nothing stirred in the room, but a dull trail of dried blood led her to the center of the space, which was recessed from Ashley's perspective.

The story the trail told made her own blood turn to ice.  The trail led to the center of the room, where it pooled as if Shepard had stopped for a long time.  Then it led off to the right side of the room, disappearing at the foot of what had been a massive electronic structure.  There was a similar one to the left of the room, and Ashley assumed they had been twins.  While the one on the left resembled a twenty foot pot belly stove crisscrossed in thick wires and metal piping, the one on the right was mangled, charred, and hollowed out.  Pipes and wires lay scattered across what was, on the opposite side, wide open space.  There was a yard wide, wickedly sharp piece of metal sheeting imbedded deep into the wall just a few feet in front of Ashley.  An impossibly long way from the point of origin.  If Shepard had been standing in front of that thing when it blew up...

Concrete shifted to Ashley's right and her rifle was up to her eye in a flash.  A small piece of metal rolled down a pile of debris about five yards off.  Ashley strained through the half-light to see what had caused the disturbance.  As she stared she saw something impossible.  A pale hand.  She followed the arm it was attached to, wrapped in tight fitting black compression suit.  At the bicep there was an insignia.  A white N.  A white 7.  And a red triangle.  

The rifle fell from Ashley's grip and she was four steps away before it hit the ground.  She scrambled up the pile of debris and vaulted over a massive block of concrete.  She skidded to a stop and bent down.  

There she was.  Blood caked on a face that was astonishingly pale.  Her short blonde hair a mess of soot and blood.  Her body looked broken in half a dozen places.  Ashley stared at her chest, willing it to rise and fall.  A second passed.  Then another.  Shepard's left arm, the one Ashley had seen, was thrown over a broken cinderblock.  Her eyes were closed.  

A voice so weak it cracked and strained finally emerged from the pile of pain in front of her, "There you are, baby girl.  Took you long enough.  Here I was thinking I was gonna have to go and rescue myself."   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem quoted in this chapter is 'O Captain! My Captain!' by Walt Whitman


	2. Chapter 2

Fear gripped Ashley's heart like a vice.  She could tell that she was close to a panic attack, and so she held very still, closed her eyes, and forced herself to take slow, calming breaths.  There was some small part of her that hoped that, when she opened her eyes again, she wouldn't see the same sight.

Shepard was a mess.  She was a broken pile of bones and blood and dirt.  The grime of broken stones and concrete dusted over her, making her skin appear even paler than it was.  Her eyes were closed, and shallow breaths were coming frighteningly far apart.  After Ashley arrived on the scene and Shepard joked with her, she had closed her eyes and not spoken again.  Ashley couldn't tell if she was unconscious or just weak.  She feared unconscious.  She refused to consider any other options. 

She had been quiet and still for so long that Ashley began to wonder if she had invented the playful banter.  The light in this place was strange and diffuse, throwing long, twisted shadows and making the atmosphere tense with mystery.  As the moments passed, she wondered if the eeriness of the room had played a trick on her.  Perhaps Shepard had not spoken at all.  Perhaps she had seen the shattered body by chance and her relief had been so great that she had hallucinated the interaction. 

Ashley tried to distract herself from the fear by going through what she could remember from her triage training.  She checked her commander and girlfriend from head to toe, assessing injuries.  There was not a single area of her body that was no bruised or broken or bleeding.  She sucked in her breath with a hiss when she saw the tangle that had been two powerful legs not too very long ago.  Both were shattered.  No bones were exposed by some miracle, but one was pinned under a warped piece of metal that had been a supporting beam for the ceiling.  She tried not to imagine the feeling of a metal beam the size of grown human falling thirty feet onto her shin.  She sent up a prayer that Shepard had been unconscious when it happened.  Her hip was set at a strange angle as well.  Her abdomen was exposed, a gash cut diagonally across the defined muscles there, tearing the compression suit and flesh it had once covered.  Blood had coated her stomach below the cut, soaking into the waistband of her pants.  It was no longer bleeding, which could either be a good sign or a terrible sign. 

She suddenly noticed how still everything was.  The blood in her veins turned to ice when she realized she had forgotten to track Shepard's breathing.  Had she taken a breath recently?  Was this stillness the final stillness?  She felt cold sweat pop out on her forehead as she stared, waiting for the chest to rise.  Tears blurred her eyes, and she worried she would miss the signs of life she was so desperate to see.  She put her fingers to Shepard's neck, feeling for a pulse.  Ashley's hands shook and the skin of her neck was cold and clammy beneath her fingers.  She thought she felt a flutter.  She needed more.  It could have just been her own hand shaking.

Her voice sounded so small in the cavernous room, "Shepard?"  Her voice was too quiet, she knew.  She cleared her throat and willed her words not to shake, "Kennedy!"  More forceful this time.

There was no response. 

"Kennedy, can you hear me?  Talk to me, baby, please."

Her mind raced and went blank.  She tried some more breaths.  A little clearer.  She thought hard.  Complete the evaluation.  Determine area of most need.  Begin life saving measures.  Stabilize patient as much as possible for evac.  Okay.  She could do this.  She needed to complete her assessment of injuries.  She hands went to Shepard's torso.  She palpated as gently as she could.  Broken ribs ground together with a sickening sound.

"Ouch."

Ashley gasped at the small sound that came from her commander.  She had barely moved her lips, and her eyes were still definitively shut, but there was no mistaking the word.  She sobbed out a laugh.  A single tear fell from her eye and she forced herself not to break down.  She did not have time for panic or tears.  The wetness dried in her eyes.  She kept moving up Shepard's torso, checking to see how many ribs were broken.  It turned out that almost all of them were.  She was as gentle as she could be, but Shepard's eyes fluttered open.  They were bloodshot and vague.  It seemed to be sapping her strength tremendously just to focus on Ashley's face and keep her lids up.

Her voice was weak, like the rustle of paper in a light breeze, and the words were strung together loosely, with long pauses between each one, "Your bedside manner leaves something to be desired, Williams.  That hurts like a motherfucker."

The relief that swept through Ashley was dizzying, but she had fought hard to control herself.  She would not lose her focus now.  Her eyes shifted to Shepard's chest and arms, which contained at least three bullet holes.  They were all mercifully distant from heart and lungs, but one in her left shoulder was still seeping blood.  Ashley cringed at the thought of how much blood she had lost.   

She tried to keep her tone casual as she moved her hands to the back of Shepard's neck to feel for breaks.  That was the one spot where everything was solid. The relief was clear in her voice when she replied, "Well, stop playing dead and I won't have to smack you to keep you awake.  Can you feel your fingers and toes?"

She could feel the muscles in Shepard's neck flex as she wiggled her fingers.  She hissed ever so slightly and fresh blood from her shoulder shimmered in the half light, "Yep.  Well, not so good in the right foot.  Mainly cause half the ceiling fell on it last night.  Or this morning.  Or a week ago.  Time has been a little weird.  It feels like I've been here at least a day."

"You... remember the beam falling on your leg?"

Shepard's face went a shade green and her words sounded like they came from a long way off, "That's not the kind of thing you forget."

Ashley found that her hand was pressed hard to Shepard's chest, trying to push the image away.  They were quiet for a long time, lost in the same dark thought.  The moment was broken by a shout from behind them, followed by a scrambling noise as Garrus and Liara pulled themselves through the hole in the floor.  They both stopped and stared in disbelief at the destruction around them.

"Goddess..."

Grateful for the distraction, Ashley called them over.  The reaction to seeing Shepard was predictable.  Another quiet 'Goddess' from Liara, who seemed incapable of saying much else these days, and a nervous clicking of mandibles from Garrus.  Fighting came naturally to them all now, the quiet and the destruction afterwards was something they weren't used to.  After all, Shepard had always swaggered away from fights in the past, her pristine crew in tow.  Even the bruises and scrapes from the Collectors and Saren were as nothing compared to this.  Their hesitation galvanized Ashley.

"Garrus.  Sit rep.  Are we going to be interrupted here?"

"Negative," he said, his words suffused with confidence now that he could focus on something other than the broken woman in front of him.  "Looks like we cleared the area.  I radioed Cortez, told him to find a closer landing spot now that the way is clear.  Evac should be easier."

"Good.  Liara, give me the water from your bag.  Then you and Garrus get that beam off her leg.  Slowly."

She took the water from Liara and turned to Shepard, whose eyes were looking vague again.  As Liara and Garrus moved around the beam, trying to find the best way to move it without bringing an avalanche of debris down on all of them, she started trickling water past her girlfriend's lips.  It was a difficult process.  It seemed to take a long time for any decisions to be made in Shepard's brain. 

"I don't want to alarm you, Ash.  But I think I may need a doctor."

A dry laugh from Garrus cut some of the tension that had built with the new arrivals.  Somehow, having someone else see Shepard made it real to Ashley that she really was alive.  Now she was going to make sure the woman stayed that way.  Part of her wanted to lay down and cry with relief, part of her wanted to dance in celebration. All of that would need to wait, however. She gently pulled up the sleeve of Shepard's compression suit and immediately found a vein.  She sent up a silent prayer of thanks and started setting up the materials she would need for the IV. 

Shepard eyed her skeptically, "How long's it been since you had a field medical course, Williams?"

She fumbled to tie a tourniquet around Shepard's arm and responded with forced irony, "Oh, I've never had one.  But I've watched a lot of hospital drama vids."

"I warn you, I'm afraid of needles."

"You're a big baby."

Liara and Garrus had been arguing quietly, but now they turned to the two women.  Liara said, "Ashley, I believe I will have to use biotics to move the beam."

"And I don't think we should move it.  What if something goes wrong?  It's going to cause a lot of pain when the blood flow is restored."

Liara turned on him, the scientist taking over, "She has blood flow to her foot, you can tell by the color.  And she can still feel it.  The danger of leaving it in place is far greater.  It will... it will hurt though Shepard.  Quite a lot I expect."

Shepard's grin was as agonized as the look on Liara's face, but she said, "Well, I can't exactly dance on my wedding day with only one leg.  Get the thing off."

Ashley looked at the ground to keep from crying and nodded.  She held Shepard's hand and Liara was as efficient as was possible.  She surrounded the massive beam in a stasis field and then looked at Shepard, who gritted her teeth and nodded.  As the beam inched off of her leg Shepard screamed so loud that dust shook off the walls.  It echoed into the emptiness and echoed back a thousand times.  The sound cut through Ashley like a knife, but she squeezed Kennedy's hand and let her yell through the pain. 

The scream seemed to encompass an eternity.  Garrus turned away, his knuckles white on his shotgun.  He took several steps and stared at the wall unseeingly.  Liara was weeping as she shifted her biotic field, sending the metal object far away from the small group before she threw it with all of the anger her agony had caused.  When she released it she stumbled down the pile of debris and sat down hard on a stone block, her head in her hands.  Shepard's scream went on for another minute or so before it sputtered and ended.  She had run out of air before she ran out of pain, so her body, which had arched up as much as her broken ribs would allow, stayed taut and her mouth wide.  Her body still screamed silently for so long Ashley began to worry.  She needed to act or else she would break.

With Shepard distracted by her pain, Ashley clumsily inserted the needle.  She was lucky and hit the vein, anchoring it in place and quickly typing commands on the IV pump.  She hooked up a unit of blood and saw it start to pump into the body that had lost so much.  Moments passed with no sound but the sniffling from Liara and the gurgle of the machine transfusing blood into Shepard.  Ashley had to keep moving, so she worked at removing the tourniquet, taping down the plastic tubing, and securing the injection site.  Then she started unpacking medi gel and blankets.  She was working to get everything in order and felt rather than saw Shepard's body relax.  She shot her fiancée a quick glance to make sure she had calmed voluntarily and not passed out. 

Those hauntingly green eyes were fixed on her.  She met them and they looked at each other for a long time.  Both of them content to just look into each other's eyes.  They stayed that way long enough for Ashley to see a little color return to Kennedy's lips.  Her eyes started to gain clarity.  There was a shuffling sound far off, and they turned to see Garrus put his hand on Liara's shoulder.  She stood quickly and turned into his arms, crying against his bloody armor.  He patted her back awkwardly with his taloned fingers and looked at the two of them as though her were being mauled by a rabid varren.  Perhaps Liara felt his discomfort because she released him and wiped at her face, smiling apologetically.  The two of them started back towards Ashley and Shepard.

Ashley got back to work, ripping open packets of medi gel and smearing it over the litany of injuries covering Shepard's face and neck.  She even found a large gash on her scalp.

By the time Liara and Garrus had made their way back over, Shepard was looking markedly better, and she was quite obviously feeling better thanks to the rapid infusion of blood.  The medical infusion VI beeped and alerted Ashley that Shepard would need fluids and electrolytes when the first bag of blood finished, so she prepared to switch the pump. 

Garrus, far more at ease with Shepard looking like a living being instead of a pile of meat, smiled down at her and said, "Looks like we pulled your ass out of the fire again, Shepard.  Do you think they'll make our statue out of gold or platinum?"

"They'll make _mine_ out of platinum.  Yours they can make from all that bullshit you're spewing.  There's no Vakarian without Shepard, remember?"

Garrus's smile was beaky and his eyes sparkled, "I'm pretty sure that's not how that quote goes."

Liara asked how Shepard was feeling, and she replied, "Much better.  Thanks."  She paused and said in a subdued voice, "Did you find Anderson?"

Ashley nodded and replied, "Yeah, we found him.  We'll make sure he gets the biggest damn military funeral in the history of the galaxy."

Shepard nodded and turned her head away, "Fucking Illusive Man."

"Found him too.  Took everything I had not to piss on his corpse.  You take care of him?"

Shepard smiled ruefully, "Didn't get the chance.  He offed himself when I finally convinced him he was indoctrinated.  Shot me a few times first.  Just so you know, he did not like it when I called him Timmy."

Ashley barked a hoarse laugh but Liara looked confused, "Timmy?"

"The Illusive Man.  TIM.  Timmy is a childish form of the name Tim.  I guess it's a human thing."  She winked at Ashley and continued, "That's when he shot me in the shoulder.  Hurt like a blowjob from a vorcha.  And he blew a hole right through my favorite tattoo!"

Ashley was indignant, "Not the blue eagle's wing!  Shepard! I liked that one."

"It's not my fault!  He is a bad, bad man!  Blame him!  He's the one who shot me."

"Everyone shoots you, Kennedy!  The three of us may be the only people you've met who _haven't_ shot you!"

There were muffled indignant noises from Garrus and Liara.  Shepard opened her eyes wide with innocence, "Hey- don't give me that!  Remember Horizon?"

Ashley narrowed her eyes, "Hey!  I did a lot of fucked up shit on Horizon, but I did NOT shoot you."

There was a nervous shuffling and clicking of mandibles behind her.  Ashley turned her head to see both Garrus and Liara blushing and avoiding her eyes.  Garrus spoke first, "Uh... she's talking about me, actually.  It wasn't when the Collectors were there.  It was just a few weeks ago when we went to help Miranda."

Ashley's mouth fell open and Garrus hurried on, "Don't give me that look!  It was her fault!"  He pointed an accusatory talon at Shepard.  "Remember how, on the first Normandy, we used to have training with weapons before we just went out there, guns blazing?  Well, Shepard finds this massive Eviscerator shotgun and just shoves it into my hands.  I wasn't used to the thing! I hadn’t even gotten the chance to calibrate it! And she goes running out in front of me and there's this centurion and I fired.  The spray was bigger than I thought it would be.  And... well... I _may_ have caused those holes in the back of her Inferno armor."

"That _may_ be why I had to change back to the old school N7 gear for the assault on Earth."

Ashley turned her gaze to Liara, whose purple flush intensified and she stammered, "Well... I had never been in a combat situation before... not a real one in any case... the pistol Shepard gave me was... well, I only knocked out her shields!  It was my first mission..."

Ashley shook her head and said to Shepard, "How in God's name did we survive this long?"

"You've got me."

They shared a laugh, the four of them, and it felt like old times.  Shepard forgot herself enough to say, teasingly, "Well, Ash, if one of these two kills me by mistake, you _do not_ have my permission to go back to Traynor."

Ashley, too, was so happy and relieved that she smiled wickedly and said, "Hmmm... I don't know.  It went so well last time." 

She reveled in how the thing that had been so painful to her once was something she could joke about now.  The thought, and the look of teasing contentment in Shepard's eyes were too much for Ashley.  Despite the wretched condition Kennedy was in, she could not deny herself a kiss.  She leaned down and placed a gentle, chaste kiss on the lips of the woman she had thought she may never see again.  Her head buzzed at the feel of the warming lips on hers. 

Liara's voice broke through the happy haze they were lost in, "May I ask... what are you insinuating Ashley?  Is there some sort of... past between you and my girlfriend that I am not aware of?"

Ashley's eyes, which had been drifting lazily shut, snapped open and met Shepard's with an identical horrified expression. 

Garrus cut the tension with his trademarked obliviousness, "Oh yeah, you didn't know about that?  Ash and Sam totally had a one night thing on Horizon.  You know, before she knew Shepard was alive. Surprised you didn't know.... oh."

Liara's face was flushed, and she clenched and unclenched her fists in a way that made biotics crackle around her knuckles.

Shepard said in a stage whisper, "I think someone's getting a spanking when Dr. T'soni gets back to the Normandy."

Liara huffed and said, "No.  No, I think not."  After a brief pause she continued, "She would enjoy that too much."

This little bit of risqué talk from the once shy asari maiden made them all, even Liara after a moment, crumple into laughter again.  Shepard's laughter cut off with a groan, her hand going to her shattered ribs.

"Speaking of my boat.  Did you manage to keep her in one piece, LC?"

"For the most part."

Shepard made a feeble attempt at sitting up, "And just what the hell does that mean?"

Garrus spoke up, "She's got a few new scratches.  Let's just say she looks a damn sight better than you, but not nearly as good as me."

Liara snorted and explained, "There were some... issues with EDI.  She's... well, I think she’s gone.  We crashed.  The crew is working on getting the Normandy back on line without her."

Shepard shook her head, "I was afraid of that.  The Catalyst said all synthetic life... Damn.  How's Joker?"

No one wanted to say, so Liara finally said into the silence, "Let's just say he's doing... a damn sight better than you, but not nearly as good as me."

Garrus roared with laughter and smacked Liara on the back so hard that she stumbled forward a couple of steps, "Well said, T'soni!  You're getting saltier all the time you spend with us soldiering types.  Soon you'll be..."

What she'd be doing next they never found out.  Garrus's speech was interrupted by a burst of static through their comms, followed by the familiar voice of Joker, "Normandy to Citadel ground team.  Come in if you can hear me.  This is the Normandy, approaching Citadel airspace.  Do you copy, Ash?"

It was Shepard who answered, eager to reassure her crew that she was alive, "What's shakin' Joker?"

" _Commander?!_   Is that you, Shepard?"

"It sure is, Joker."

There was an explosion of shouting and applause through their earpieces as the rest of the crew heard the good news.  After a few moments, Chakwas's voice broke through, "Good to hear your voice, Commander.  I was starting to think I'd have to drink this brandy all on my own."

"Not a chance, doc.  You and me are gonna empty a case when I get back on my feet."

"Speaking of, can I have an assessment Lieutenant Commander Williams?"

Ashley answered as she readied another bag of blood in response to an alert from the medical VI, "She's had a unit of blood and a lot of fluids.  Med VI says she is stable enough to move, but she's got... well, it may be easier to tell you which bones _aren't_ broken and where she _doesn't_ have bullet holes."

"Understood.  I’ll radio Cortez so I can shuttle over and take charge.  I've gotten in touch with the best medical team on Earth.  The main hospital near us would be Rowling Medical Center in Edinburgh.  They made it the main trauma unit for the London offensive.  We'll be taking her there.  Hold tight, I'll be right there."

 

 


	3. Chapter 3

The time in Rowling Medical Center was interminable.  Shepard was shuttled from one hours-long surgery to another so quickly that Ashley didn't bother to remember her room number from day to day.  The Alliance had commandeered an apartment block near the hospital for family and friends as well as refugee soldiers.  They had cleared out the war debris as their first priority and moved in enough furniture to make the small rooms livable, but nothing more.  
  
Ashley would probably not have warranted her own spartan apartment if she had not been a Spectre and a member of the Normandy crew.  Officers were stacked on top of each other on the bottom floor, and even Joker had to share quarters with Dr. Chakwas and the Normandy’s entire engineering staff was in one room. She felt guilty at the extravagance.  She barely saw the room.  She woke before the sun, showered and drank as much coffee as her bladder would tolerate, and then headed to the hospital.  She sat with Shepard while she slept, and paced nervously while she was in surgery.  The moon was well up when she was politely kicked out every night and stumbled back to sleep for a few hours.  
  
Shepard was in a medically induced coma.  The upgrades Cerberus gave her immune system seemed to interfere with the normal sedatives used during recovery, and she woke up during her first surgery.  The drugs they used after that were much heavier, and Ashley stared at her chest for hours, making sure it continued to rise and fall despite her stillness.  Ashley sat at her bedside and read aloud to her to ward off the dark thoughts and fears that lurked at the edge of her mind.  She wondered if this helplessness was the reason Shepard had read to her at Huerta.  
  
News from the galaxy started to trickle in as the days passed.  At first, everyone seemed reluctant to talk to Ashley about the war or the rebuilding.  They would look over at her and open their mouths as if they wanted to ask something, then they would decide not to pry and smile sadly at her before hurrying from the room.  Finally, after a week, one of them plucked up the courage.  
  
Ashley had put down the book when the ebony skinned nurse with a confident smile and strong hands came in to adjust Shepard in the bed and record her vitals on a datapad.  She sat in a chair near the smudged window, knees tucked up to her chest, staring off into the distance.  She was trying to remember the feel of Kennedy's arms wrapped around her.  Trying to bully her senses into remembering the smell of her without the scent of nitrile gloves and disinfectant.  
  
The woman's voice seemed to come from nowhere, "Word is that the quarians are working on a memorial for the geth.  Can you imagine? Never thought I'd see the day that _anyone_ built a memorial to the geth, much less the quarians."  
  
Ashley looked at her and tried to find words to say.  She thought of stroking Shepard's sweat-soaked hair after Rannoch.  She couldn't think of how to put voice to her thoughts.  
  
"Did they really come to our side before they were all destroyed by... The Crucible?"  
  
The nurse had shot a glance at Shepard in her pause.  Ashley nodded and said in a hoarse voice, "They sacrificed themselves for us all."  
  
Tears welled in the nurse's eyes, "Then we should make 'em a statue here too."  
  
After that, she had more and more of those little interactions.  A shy young man came to draw blood and said to Ashley, "We all... All of us down in the lab, I mean.  We're all right proud to have you and the Commander here with is, m'um.  Right proud."  
  
She was washing her hands in the bathroom when a middle aged woman with tears running down her face asked to shake her hand. "You tell Commander Shepard that she's in my prayers."  
  
During a particularly long surgery on Shepard's right leg, Ashley was getting a tray of food from the cafeteria.  She held out her credit chit to the cashier, who shook his head, stuck out his chin and declared, "You'll not pay a single credit in this cafeteria, Lieutenant Commander.  Not a single one from any of you what served on the Normandy.  Least we owe you." Everyone seated at the flimsy tables stood and clapped for her.  The lump in her throat was so solid she couldn't swallow a mouthful.  
  
Six weeks after pulling Shepard from the rubble on the Citadel, Ashley was in her usual chair. She absently spun the engagement ring on her left hand.  She had lost both weight and muscle sitting idle in the hospital, and it nearly fell off her finger.  She was reading aloud, but her words were faltering.  She was exhausted. She could not remember a time when she had not sat in this chair and listened to the beeps of monitors and the hum of machines. 

“ _Thou art altogether right, Buldeo. Thou wilt never give me one anna of the reward. There is an old war between this lame tiger and myself- a very old war, and- I have won.”_

"Jungle Book, Ash?” Shepard's voice was hoarse and weak as it traveled the seemingly infinite distance between her bed and the chair where Ashley sat near frozen.  “I'm recovering from battle wounds, not the flu.  How ‘bout something with a little more grit? Or a little more tits and ass?"

When Ashley imagined the moment of Shepard's awakening, she pictured her running into those arms.  Crying and kissing and murmuring undying love.  As she looked at the woman now, pale and tired in the harsh white light of the hospital room, she found that they were beyond that sort of display.  She smiled at the woman she loved.  Shepard smiled back, and it seemed that her world had started moving again.  
  
"I was reading you some Blasto fanfic from the extranet, but one got very explicit. It was about you. I had to stop before I tracked the author down and killed her."  
  
"If it was 'blastme69' then you're lookin' at her.  You know how that hanar action hero gets my blood goin'."  
  
"That would explain how the author knows about your " Shepard + Aria T'loak' heart tattoo."  
  
Shepard laughed in a weak sort of way, "Don't let Aria hear you use her name in vain."  
  
"I thought she could help me find some leather pants to wear when you're fully recovered."  
  
"Mmm... I like that mental image.  What would you be wearing with those leather pants?"  
  
"Not a thing."  
  
"Careful, I might have to leap out of this bed and sweep you off your feet."  
  
"I don't know." She said, slipping her feet off of the chair and onto the tile floor.  "You definitely don't look the dashing hero at the moment."  
  
Shepard stuck out her bottom lip in an exaggerated pout, "It's the hair, isn't it?  I've got bed head, I can feel it."  
  
Ashley padded over to the bed on socked feet, bent and kissed Shepard on the forehead, "Absolutely.  You saved the universe from an unstoppable race a sentient machines, thus preserving all organic life from near extinction, but I am dumping you for a bad case of bed head."  
  
Shepard's voice was so husky and alluring, her eyes so deep and green, that Ashley melted when the woman looked at her and said, "All I wanted was to get back to you, Ash."

  
******

  
The next few days were a blur.  Dr. Chakwas was a constant presence, and no fewer than five surgeons came to check progress.  It seemed like all the familiar faces Ashley had seen for the last month and a half were replaced by a stream of strangers.  She asked after Dr. Michel one day and learned that the woman who had pasted her own body back together after Mars had not made it off the Citadel.  She had refused to leave her patients behind, and she joined them in their awful fate.  
  
As the new faces slid in and out, always pouring information on them in volumes they could not possibly absorb, Ashley watched Shepard.  Shepard was, of course, watching Ashley.  Neither of them gained anything from those days, apart from a fierce desire to be alone.  They could sometimes grab an hour or two at the end of long days, but they were both too worn out to do more than stare into each other’s eyes and hold hands.  
  
As Shepard started to get stronger, the looks got longer.  They both craved time to talk, to touch, to be normal again.  Maybe for the first time.  
  
Less than a week after she woke up, a doctor was droning on about the physical therapy that was being done for her with electrodes all over her body, "I believe Cerberus did something similar for you while you were being... Well, brought back to life.  Your muscles will fire and strengthen and you will be sore.  Probably tired as well..."  
  
"Dr. Mason..."  
  
"It's Stevens, actually.  Dr. Mason is for your back.  If you like I can send for him when we're done?"  
  
"I would not like that.  Forgive me, doctor.  You understand, I'm grateful for all of you.  But please... How do I say this without sounding rude?" Shepard looked to Ashley, who was smiling knowingly.  "Get out.  Don't send anyone else in.  I need a moment to breathe.  I need a moment with my fiancée.  Would you mind if we talk about this tomorrow?"  
  
His smile was obviously forced, but Ashley stood and shook his hand.  She put a hand on the small of his back and led him to the door.  She closed it gently behind him.  When she turned, Shepard had scooted awkwardly to one side of the bed.  She patted the tiny empty space beside her.  Ashley slid into that spot, careful not to pull on any IV tubes or monitor cables.  She lay on her side, her head resting on Shepard's shoulder.  The strong arm she had dreamt of days ago wrapped around her and she heard a sigh as she placed a hand on her chest, feeling the familiar beat of Shepard's heart.  The dark skinned nurse came to check on them an hour or so later and found them talking and laughing.  An hour after that they were fast asleep in the same position.  
  
After that, the nurses became their partners in crime.  Doctors would enter and talk, and then they would be suddenly called away to important appointments.  They would come back to find Ashley bending and flexing stiff joints, or privacy curtains up and bedpans clanking.  They would promise to come back and Ashley would slip into her spot on the bed and they would steal kisses like teenagers.  
  
Sun shone brightly through the little window on one of these days.  Shepard's hands had begun roaming and Ashley had pulled a blanket over them.  She had been desperate for the feel of Shepard's firm stomach.  Her fingers slipped under the loose fabric of the hospital gown and Shepard's breath caught.  
  
"Ash... You know I can't."  
  
Ashley's lips slid to her ear, hot breath tickling her neck, "Sshh, Commander.  I know your limits.  I promise to be good.  I just need..."  
  
She left her desires unspoken, since they were well and truly past Shepard's limits.  She intended to go right up to the line that she knew she could not cross.  Shepard groaned as the hand under her gown moved towards her breast.  She was already aching with need.  Ashley's hand found her nipple and flicked over it with a delicacy that sent a shiver straight through her body down to her toes.  
  
Their lips crashed together with an intensity that sent the commander's head spinning.  Ashley's palm pressed into her breast and kneaded her flesh.  Their bodies pressed closer together.  Ashley knew she needed to stop, or at the very least slow down, but hands teased and stroked of their own accord.  
  
"I think, Lieutenant Commander," a deep voice boomed out from the door.  The two women looked up, but their bodies froze in mid action. "That they had something other than groping in mind for Shepard's physical therapy.  Why don't you assume a more dignified position so we can chat?"  
  
Ashley's blush covered every inch of her visible skin.  She was humiliated and she began to pull her hand away from Shepard's body.  
  
"Belay that order, marine." The authority in Shepard's voice stilled her movements immediately.  Ashley's hand was still cupping her breast when she continued, "With all due respect, Admiral Hackett, Ash is on compassionate leave and I am certainly not fit for duty.  We aren't exactly taking orders these days.  More to the point, sir, I think we've both earned a bit of groping, wouldn't you say?"  
  
Hackett bounced nervously on the balls of his feet, "Undoubtedly, commander.  I just... um... There is some urgency to the matter.  I understand you should be up and about by the end of the week.  Would you and Williams be available to come to my office?  I need to... Discuss your future deployments."  
  
Shepard nodded, "Aye, sir.  We'll see you then.  Message a time and locale to Ashley?  I seem to have lost my omnitool."  
  
Hackett snapped his head in the affirmative and said, "Very well.  Umm... Carry on."  
  
Shepard did her best to salute from her prone position. Ashley's right hand was still on her fiancée’s breast, so she merely averted her eyes as he left.  Once the door closed, she groaned and dropped her face into Shepard's armpit.  
  
"I will never be able to live that down!"  
  
Shepard laughed and wrapped her arm around Ashley, "He’ll get over it in a few decades, I’m sure. Now... Where were we?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quotation is from 'The Jungle Book' by Rudyard Kipling


	4. Chapter 4

Ashley had spent much of the day talking to various doctors about medications and exercises while Shepard lay with electrodes flexing her muscles.  Every half hour or so a nurse would come in and move the device to a new area of Shepard's body, trying to avoid the yellowing bruises, and start the contraption back up again.  Shepard would wince as sore muscles began working of their own accord.  The nurse would ask a couple of questions about her comfort level and then move on to Ashley, giving new instructions.  She had a stack of six datapads full of notes and prescriptions and reminders.

The summer sun was glaring wetly through the window, heating the room without providing much useful light, when they finally took the electrodes off and left them off.  Shepard was sweating and aching, but she smiled her appreciation of the break.

"Don't be too happy, dear."  A new, frumpy nurse with hair the color of brushed steel said.  "I'll be back in a few hours with a walker for you.  We've still got to test those legs of yours out in the real world if you're to be let out on Friday."

Ashley's and Shepard's faces both lit up at the prospect.  Apart from when she was dead, Shepard had not stayed still this long in her entire life.  The need to get up and out and doing was driving her insane.  For Ashley's part, she just wanted to see the love of her life looking whole for a change.  Part of her was having trouble remembering what it was like when Shepard could walk, much less run miles farther than her on the _Normandy_ 'streadmill.  She longed to see her getting back to normal, whatever normal was with no immediate threat of annihilation hanging over their heads.

There was a clumping sound from the door and Jack came marching into the room without hesitation.  Miranda knocked politely on the open door, but followed Jack into the room anyway with an apologetic shrug.  Jack walked right up to the foot of Shepard's bed and leaned on the railing with a grin a mile wide at her old commander.

"S'up Shep?"

Shepard smiled as Ashley came and perched on the bed beside her, "Hey there, Jack.  You're looking good."

It was true.  Jack had the same confident air as always and the more mature demeanor she had picked up at Grissom, but there was also a calmness about her now.  Almost as though she was finally comfortable in her tattoo covered skin and was ready to let the world know. 

"Wish I could say the same for you, Shepard.  You've been in that bed too long, you're gettin' fat."

Miranda slapped Jack on the shoulder and then reached for the thick file hanging from the back of her bed that held Shepard's medical chart.  She started scanning through the notes and said, "Really, Jack.  You're such a rude, foul-mouthed..."

Jack reached back and slapped her on the ass of her skin tight suit.  It was a very familiar shade of navy blue with gold trim.  She yelped and jumped, coloring slightly as she shot Jack a look and then went back to reading.

"You love it, cheerleader.  Stop pretending you don't.  Shepard and her marine know you can't keep your hands off me."

Ashley crossed her arms and said, "Her marine?  Nice.  Am I going to have to tell you off again?"  She smiled indulgently and moved her eyes to Miranda.  "What are you looking for in Shepard's chart?  I can probably tell you more than they have written in there anyway."

Miranda responded, but didn't look up, "Just making sure these doctors didn't fry any of the implants I gave her."  She shot Shepard an admonishing look.  "It's too much to hope that you didn't do any damage all on your own.  After all the work I put in on bringing you back to life and extending your projected lifespan..."

Shepard threw up her arms in surrender, "I'm not sure why you people are my friends.  I'm fat and I'm careless.  With friends like these... makes me miss the Reapers.  Or at least the Collectors."

Miranda finally looked up and both she and Jack gave Shepard an accusatory glare.  Their body language and facial expressions were so nearly identical that she burst out laughing.

"Do you two spend any time apart these days?  I swear, you're turning into each other!  Stop fucking for two seconds or Jack's going to start wearing cat suits and that would just be too weird."

Miranda smiled at Jack in a way that was nauseatingly affectionate.  The other woman's face was contorted in disgust, "Uggh!  No way.  Don't have the tits to pull those off.  Miri here got a tattoo though."  She winked at Ashley and said in a low, conspiratorial voice, "My name right on the cheek of her..."

"You wish, convict.  If I had, it would say 'I'm with stupid'."

Jack threw an arm casually around Miranda's waist.  The taller woman dropped the file back into the holder on the end of the bed and said, "Looks like neither you nor these bumbling Alliance doctors have managed to do too much damage to my work.  I do hope you will take it easy for the next few years, however.  It would be a shame to lose you before they can make a statue for you to go in the Presidium."

Shepard grunted and, motioning towards her new apparel, said, "Speaking of Alliance..."

Jack cut her off, "Not exactly dress blues, eh Shepard?"

Miranda put a hand on her cocked hip, looking very much like the Miranda Shepard always remembered, but without the chip on her shoulder, "I refuse to wear that bulky uniform.  It was in no way flattering to my figure."

"Hey, works for me, babe.  Might distract some of the kids, though.  Can't wait to blast them apart for staring at my girl."

"Wait... you're teaching at Grissom now, Miranda?"

Jack answered again, though Miranda hadn't even opened her mouth to reply.  Probably because she liked hearing Jack brag about her, "Pssh.  Yeah right.  They've already got the best biotic in the galaxy as a teacher there.  Nah, Miri's running the joint.  Kahlee Sanders decided to hang 'em up and stay here on Earth.  Help with the rebuilding."

Miranda put a hand on Jack's shoulder and absently started playing with a fold in the leather of her jacket, "What Jack means is that Ms. Sanders' retirement from active duty left a hole at the Academy.  Given my background in administrative functions and my interest in working at Grissom, I applied for the position, and they accepted despite my... colorful past."

"Congratulations, Miranda."  Ashley said, leaning against Shepard.  She was thinking of how much fun she and Shepard had trying to get them together at the party in Anderson's apartment, happy that things had turned out well for them.  "You'll be great."

"Damn right, she will.  She's already up half the night with spreadsheets and budgets and shit."  Jack frowned at the wall, an idea hitting her for the first time.  "It's only going to get worse, isn't it?  Shit, I'm never gonna get laid!  What was I thinking?"

"I'm sure you'll manage to get her attention every now and then, Jack."  Shepard grinned when she said it and put a hand high on Ashley's thigh.

Jack and Miranda were looking at each other in a particularly predatory way, and Ashley was trying to come up with a polite way to usher them out of the room.  The nurse saved her the trouble by coming back in with a collapsible metal walker. 

"I'm afraid I'll have to kick you out now, you two.  Time for the commander to remember how to walk."

Jack's hand had slid low on Miranda's hip, her mind clearly headed in a direction that required at least a little privacy.  She spared a moment to get one last dig in before hurrying Miranda out the door, "Nice walker, Shepard.  Sucks to get old, eh?  See ya around!  Stop by the Academy once you get the _Normandy_ back.  The kids want to brag to you with some of their war stories."

Miranda gave a half-hearted wave before rushing out the door, too.  Ashley sighed and moved around to help the nurse get Shepard to her feet for the first time since walking onto the Citadel.  They spent the rest of the afternoon making steady progress through the halls, Shepard walking like her legs had never been crushed.  The evening they spent following Miranda and Jack's romantic example before Ashley was sent back to her lonely little flat next door.

  

*****

 

Shepard had to admit that Jack may have had a point about her weight three days later when she tried to wedge herself back into her dress uniform.  The outfit she had worn like a second skin from the moment she was old enough to enlist felt bulky and tight in all the wrong places.  It hugged and pinched where it never had before.  Ashley had to help her dress as she still wasn't at her best.  Bending over to tie her polished shoes had made her back erupt in pain and she had to move slowly around the room with the help of a cane.  She would have it for at least a few weeks.  Still, she felt better than she had in a long time.

They checked her out of the hospital once she was dressed and after shaking just about everyone's hand.  Then she walked out of the front door of the hospital with Ashley on her arm to thunderous applause and the bright lights of camera drones on her.  The crowds were out in force for several long blocks of their walk, having assembled before the sun was even up.

The meeting that Hackett had requested was scheduled for an absurdly early hour.  Ashley joked that it had been Shepard's small rebellion on the previous meeting that led to the ungodly scheduling.  The fact that she could joke at all at such an early hour was a surprise.  She hadn't even had coffee yet when she said it. Once they were walking the streets of Edinburgh and seeing how many people were up and working, the hour didn’t seem quite so early.

Both polished and pressed, they left the crowds behind and headed to Hackett's temporary office in a local government building.  Shepard only partially leaned on the gleaming mahogany cane that was a gift from Dr. Chakwas.  The wonders of modern medicine and her Cerberus-provided implants shared praise for her speedy recovery with her dogged determination to get back to a normal life.  The cane clicked in time with their shoes on the cobblestone streets.  The two soldiers looked around them, marveling at how quickly the city had managed to repair itself.  Buildings were still destroyed and some of the streets were still pocked with impact craters, but the debris was at least tidy.  Ashley had spent almost as much time as Shepard inside, so she had only heard the sounds of the cleanup far below.  The cleanliness of the city filled her with pride.  There were no Keepers here, no synthetic assistance, just the dedication of a people to not let the devastation of this war hold them hostage.  Shepard reached out to take Ashley's hand and squeezed it.

They arrived early for their appointment and were called into a small office by the man himself.  Even the highest ranking officers didn't seem to have the luxury of administrative aides after such a deadly war.

"Come in.  I'd offer you a chair, but, as you see, I don't have any.  Because of that I'll get straight to the point.  The Alliance is experiencing a... drain in human resources at the moment.  Folks who've lived don't seem as willing to head back out into the fight.  Maybe they are looking for what's left of their family, maybe they want to help rebuild, whatever.  They're turning in their tags left and right.  The brass is having to make some tough decisions.  I need to know if the two of you are interested in continuing your careers with the Alliance Navy."

Ashley spoke up, "I'm a Marine, sir.  Not Navy."

"I know that, Williams.  Problem is, we don't have much of either branch left these days.  We're consolidating into a single force for the moment.  Since our security focus is the criminal and terrorist element of the galaxy, all active duty military personnel are being reassigned to the Navy.  We can't very well protect our planet if we can't man our battleships.  So I ask again, are the two of you sticking with us?"

The two women looked at each other.  They had not discussed the option of leaving the military.  They hadn't needed to.  Both of them had dedicated their lives to the Alliance.  It had been their dream since birth and nothing was going to change that.  Moreover, they were both signed up for a further three years, and neither was the type to skip out on their commitment just because the job got tougher.

It was Shepard who answered for the both of them, "Of course, Admiral.  There was never a question."

The sense of relief coming from his was palpable.  He sighed and stood, "Good to hear.  You are both Spectres, of course, so I thought your allegiances may have shifted."

Ashley stood a little taller, "Never, sir."

Hackett walked out from behind his borrowed desk and stood in front of Ashley.  He was close enough so that she could smell his cologne.  It was the same brand her father used to wear and her heart ached for a long moment thinking of how proud he would be of her right now.  "Lieutenant Commander Williams.  Your service to the Alliance and to Earth has been exemplary.  You have proven time and time again both your skill and your loyalty.  It is my honor to inform you that you have been promoted.  Congratulations, Captain Williams, you're getting your own ship."

Ashley's heartbeat skipped erratically.  She had broken the curse of her family name and she would, despite all the odds, be getting her own ship.  She smiled broadly and looked quickly at Shepard, whose eyes were suspiciously glassy as she returned the smile.  She leaned toward Ashley just enough to whisper, "Told you so."

The moment of pride was short lived, however.  As Hackett extended his hand and she shook it, the bittersweet realization came to her.  Having her own command meant leaving the _Normandy_  for good.  Leaving Shepard's side for good.  They could make it work, she told herself.  They could make it work but it would be lonely and very, very hard.  More marriages had been ruined by separate deployments than she cared to recount.  She wondered again if they would make it down the aisle at all.

She swallowed the lump in her throat with difficulty and tried her best at a smile, "Thank you, sir.  I'm honored, sir."  She chanced another glance at Shepard, who was looking at Hackett.  "What boat will I be getting, if I may ask?"

"You'll be the new skipper of _the Normandy_ , Captain Williams." 

" _NO!_ "

Ashley's voice rang out louder than she expected in the small room.  Hackett just blinked at her in surprise, but she could feel Shepard tense beside her. 

"You have a problem with your promotion, Williams?"

Everything that Ashley had held dear since she was nine years old and decided she wanted to join the Alliance like her dad told her to hold her tongue.  Everything that had been taught to her from her first day in Basic told her she should apologize and shut her mouth and take her orders no matter how much her gut told her they were wrong.  Unfortunately, her conscience would not let her accept her military training at the moment.

"No, sir.  Not with the promotion, sir."  Shepard relaxed slightly beside her, and she barreled on.  "With all due respect..."

Admiral Hackett cut her off, but to her relief he appeared more amused than angry, "It has been my experience, Williams, that when people say 'with all due respect' what they mean is 'fuck you'.  They're just too polite to say it."

Ashley swallowed hard and stared straight ahead, "With all due respect, sir, you cannot take the Normandy from Shepard.  She has earned the right to keep her ship, sir.  Don't you think she has given enough?" 

Shepard finally broke form to look at her with a stern, "Ash!  It's okay."

Ashley turned to look back at her.  Despite the embarrassment of Ashley violating military discipline, she could see the hurt in Shepard's eyes.  It was that hurt that she pleaded with now, "No, it's not, Kennedy.  They can't take the Normandy away from you."

"That's not my call to make, and it's not your call to make.  You are speaking to a superior officer, Williams."

Shepard turned her eyes back front and stood rigidly at attention.  Ashley gripped her hands together behind her back so hard that she could feel her short nails digging into her palms, but she turned to look ahead.

Hackett had crossed his arms while they talked to each other, and he waited for a moment before saying, "Are the two of you done?"

Ashley opened her mouth to respond, but Shepard beat her to it, "Yes, sir.  I apologize, sir."

He dropped his hands and went to stand in front of Shepard, "Good.  Now, to continue..."  He shot another amused look at Ashley, who was fuming.  "Captain Williams was certainly right about one thing, Shepard.  You have given far more than we have any reason to expect both to the Alliance and to the galaxy."

He shifted to stand ramrod straight, his hands behind his back, "I find it hard to believe that we haven't promoted you in so damn long, but it seems things got a little off track when you died on us."  Shepard allowed herself half a smile.  Hackett continued, "I mean to remedy that oversight.  It is my great pleasure to welcome you to the admiralty, Admiral Kennedy Shepard."

Shepard's mind was abuzz.  She had thought she would definitely be made a captain.  Surely they'd want to keep her on the Normandy.  She was too valuable an asset in the field.  But to be made Admiral was beyond her wildest dreams.  She registered with a shock that she would now outrank her own mother.  A grin spread across her face.  She would be very surprised if she wasn't the youngest admiral the Alliance had ever had.  Hackett mirrored her smile and held out his hand for her to shake.  It took her a moment to register it, and she shook it a little too hard when she did.

When he dropped his hand, Hackett said, "I'm going to turn my back now and walk very slowly to the other side of my desk.  Just in case the two of you had intended to break attention."

It was probably best that he did, indeed, walk very slowly. It took quite a while for Ashley to register what he meant, but once she did, she took full advantage of his lenience. She spun to Shepard and slid an arm around her waist. Shepard was still smiling when their lips met, and the miracle of that smile, the impossibility of her being whole and healthy and an admiral sent chills through Ashley’s body during the long kiss. She felt her body tingle at the mix of pride and admiration for this woman, and a familiar warmth spread through her. She forced herself to break the kiss and move back into position without looking into those green eyes. If she had, she would never have been able to pull away. 

Hackett looked out of the window for a long moment, his back to the pair.  He waited for the room to be quiet behind him before turning back and continuing, "I should make it clear, Admiral Shepard, that the Alliance has no intention of wasting your talents behind a desk.  You're more necessary now than ever.  You've become a beacon for the galaxy, and the people of every race will look to you for guidance during the rebuild.  We need you out there, in space, being seen.  In order to make that happen, you'll be serving on board your fleet's flagship."

"Yes, sir.  I figured as much, sir."

"You don't have to 'sir' me anymore, Shepard.  I no longer outrank you."

She grinned wider than ever, "If I may ask, Admiral, which fleet will I be getting?"

He sat down, "You'll have the Fifth Fleet, Admiral.  We're still piecing together which ships will go where, so I can't tell you yet the extent of your fleet.  I can tell you..."

"I don't understand, Admiral."

Hackett sighed and put his fingers to his temple.  In a defeated sort of voice he said, "If the two if you would let me finish a sentence, some of the confusion would be cleared up."

Ashley and Shepard both shuffled their feet and rubbed the back of their necks sheepishly.  Each caught sight of the other and blushed, realizing how Ashley had picked up this little nervous tick from her girlfriend.

Hackett sighed, then frowned, "What was your questions again, Shepard?"

"The Fifth Fleet, sir... Admiral.  That's your fleet, isn't it?"

Hackett grinned wide, the scars on his face twisting, "Did you think the two of you were the only ones to get a promotion?"  He stood again and started pacing behind his desk, too keyed up to stay still.  "You know humans have been members of the Council for three years now and we are looking for our third representative?  It seems that Councilor Tevos particularly was hesitant to allow another politician to be named after that mess with Udina.  She wanted to consult you, but the doctors wouldn't allow it."

"And they chose you.  I would have recommended the same, Admiral.  Although I suppose I should call you Councilor Hackett now."

The old man preened, adjusting his uniform jacket ostentatiously, "I've only agreed to stay on here until you were well enough to assume command, Shepard.  I ship out to join the Council this afternoon."

"That explains the early meeting time at least," Ashley said with a grin.  "Congratulations, sir."

"Thank you, Captain Williams."  He moved back to his desk and shuffled a few overloaded files together.  He picked up the stack in one hand and a datapad in the other.  Handing the files to Shepard he said, "Details of your fleet strength as it stands.  Your omnitool will probably explode with the number of messages you'll start getting from the Admiralty."

Shepard tried to balance the papers in one hand, struggling to keep hold of her cane at the same time, "Thanks.  I think."

Hackett rasped a laugh and handed the datapad to Ashley, "Dossiers.  You'll need to assemble a crew and support staff for your mission.  You'll have the pickings of the galaxy, of course, considering the importance of what you'll be doing out there."

Hackett crossed his arms and sat back on the edge of his desk.  Ashley looked at the blank screen of the datapad, the hollow ball in her stomach expanding at the thought of picking a crew that did not include Shepard.

"What mission is that, sir?"

His brow wrinkled in confusion, "Haven't I... Oh, no, Shepard interrupted, that's right.  You'll be ferrying around some dignitaries, I'm afraid, Captain.  The leader is prone to get into a mess of trouble, so it hopefully won't be too boring for you."

Hope started to creep into Ashley's chest, "Ferrying dignitaries?"

"That's right, Captain.  You see, the Normandy is the new flagship of its fleet. The Fifth Fleet.  You'll be escorting Admiral Shepard around on her goodwill mission."

Ashley tried very hard not to cry with relief.  She used all of the tricks she had picked up over the years, and not a single one of them worked.  She let out a little sob and swallowed it almost immediately.  She looked over at Shepard, who appeared to be going through the same struggle.  Her eyes were suspiciously shiny.

"Alright, alright get out of my office before you start crying or making out or something."  He laughed and walked toward them.  "You'll have to share quarters, I'm afraid.  Only one captain's cabin on the boat, after all.  I think the two of you can manage to work that out, though."

"I think maybe so, Councilor."  Shepard said with a wink at Ashley, the smile on her face causing her cheeks to glow.

The two women saluted and turned to go.

"One more thing," Hackett's voice blared out behind them.  He was looking down at his desk again, but said in a carrying voice.  "I pulled a few strings for this, you know.  So I expect an invite to the wedding."

Ashley answered, spinning the ring on her finger, "I think we can work that out, sir." 


	5. Chapter 5

Shepard and Ashley walked back to their borrowed apartment in a daze.  They didn't say a word, their minds a million miles away. The images of destruction and rebuilding existed but did not touch them, like too many paintings crowded on a gallery wall. Their steps were solid on the cobbled streets, and their uniforms were hot and itchy. Still, the walk passed so quickly that Shepard found herself standing in front of a strange building before she really understood that she was walking.

Ashley took the files from her hand and opened the door. She stepped inside and waited for Ash to show her where to go. She watched as the woman moved to the elevator and pressed a button.

Ashley was unaccountably nervous as the lift started to move, “The elevator… it’s… um… going to take a while. They repaired it in a hurry so that they could move on. It’s almost as slow as the elevator on the first Normandy.”

Her laughter died quickly at the thought of the ship. Their ship. Her ship. Shepard switched her cane to the other hand and reached out for Ash’s. There was such ease in her look, such a comfortable smile. Ashley somehow felt like she did when she invited her first girlfriend back to her place. It struck her again that, though she didn’t have the pips to show it yet, Kennedy was an admiral. She was engaged to an admiral in the Alliance Navy. The door slid open while Ashley was still lost in thought.

“Uh… I would lead the way, Ash, but I don’t have any idea where we’re going.”

“Oh! Right! You’ve never been… um… it’s been a while since I’ve…This way.”

She hurried out of the elevator, pulling Shepard a little faster than she intended behind her. It had struck her that one of the few things she knew about her little apartment was that there was a bed inside. And there were no doctors, nurses, cleaners, physical therapists, aides, techs, or anyone else to walk in. All of a sudden, she needed to get to that bed desperately.

She counted doors as Shepard clicked along behind her. She arrived at the seventh door and typed a code into the security pad. It hissed open and she nearly banged her shoulder on it as she raced inside.

“Ash? Is everything…”

Ashley cut Shepard’s words off with her lips. She let the files and datapad drop to the ground and wrapped both hands around Shepard’s neck. The door hissed shut, and Ashley pressed her back up against it. Her hands fumbled at the buttons on the side of Kennedy’s jacket.

“Ash…”

She finished with the buttons and slid the coat off of those strong shoulders she knew so well. Her body fairly screamed for Shepard, her desire so raw and unfiltered that she was taken aback by her own need. Her hands trembled as she worked at the much smaller buttons of the white shirt. Ashley had no idea what had come over her, all she knew was that her heart would explode and her lungs quit if she did not make love to Shepard right now.

“Ash…”

She tore the fabric of the shirt apart when she couldn’t manage the buttons anymore. She heard the clatter of them hitting the floor as though it were happening miles away. She pressed her body hard against her fiancée’s and heard a groan, though she couldn’t tell if it was pain or desire. She tried to slip her thigh between Kennedy’s, but the woman’s legs were unwieldy and she couldn’t find a way in. The grunt she heard this time was definitely pain.

Strong fingers wrapped around her shoulders and pressed her back, holding her at arm’s length. Shepard’s eyes were there in front of her, but they seemed to be separated by a wall of water. Shepard spoke as Ashley felt the first tear fall, “Hey, Ash… baby, talk to me. What’s going on?”

“I… I…”

She tried to put words to the emotions that were crushing her chest, but they were beyond definition. All she knew was that she hurt. Her chest hurt. Her mind hurt. Her arms were weak with pain.

She said the only words that came to her mind, though they were woefully inadequate, “I’m… really glad you didn’t die.”

Kennedy, thank god, seemed to understand exactly what she was trying to say. She laughed in that barking kind of way that had made Ashley fall so hard for her, “I did promise to survive, didn’t I?”

Ashley smiled at her own foolishness, “You did that, Ken.”

Shepard hopped a little, trying to change her position, “Now that we’ve got that out of the way… I don’t object to what you’re doing, but…” She blushed and looked at her feet. “I… um… need to sit down or lay down or something. Just get off my feet. I’m about to fall out here, babe.”

Ashley grinned and took her hand. She walked backwards, leading Shepard to the tiny bedroom, “I always did prefer you on your back.”

She pushed Shepard down on the small, creaky bed and climbed on top of her. Her fingers were steadier now, and she managed the button and zipper Shepard’s pants.

She leaned down, ghosting her lips over Kennedy’s jaw as her hand slid underneath the fabric of her underwear. She whispered into Kennedy’s ear, “I’ve always wanted to fuck an Admiral.”

Shepard’s body quivered at the words, but the echo of them had barely died in her ear when Ashley’s body was gone. A whimper escaped her lips and she lifted her head off of the mattress only high enough to look around. Ashley stood at the end of the bed, just finishing ridding herself of the last of her clothing. Shepard lay stunned, admiring the view of her naked girlfriend with the same reverence as the first time. She wasn’t given long to watch, however. Ashley was back on her in a heartbeat, only sparing time to pull her pants and underwear down to mid-thigh before settling back on top of her.

Ashley’s insistent hand was back between her legs, her calloused fingertips finding their way to Shepard’s throbbing clit in an instant. Between deep, searching kisses, she managed to pant, “As much as I want you naked, I need to hear you scream my name. Right now.”

Kennedy was embarrassed to admit even to herself that Ashley wouldn’t have long to wait. The weeks of teasing anticipation they had endured in the hospital had caught up with her, and her release was building so fast she couldn’t catch her breath. Her only consolation was the frantic motion of Ashley’s hips against the bare skin of her upper thigh. She was painting Shepard with her need, and her breathing was just as ragged as the admiral’s.

Somehow they managed to find relief at the exact same moment. Shepard screamed Ashley’s name so loudly that the windowpanes rattled, but Ashley’s moan was swallowed by the pillow and her lover’s shoulder. They shuddered against each other, the aftershocks of their long awaited lovemaking overwhelming them from scalp to toes.

Exhaustion overcame them both before they could mount a defense, and they fell asleep in each other’s arms. When they woke hours later, Shepard only just managed to shed the rest of her clothing before the dark night echoed with their bliss. At least another day passed with the same pattern, though neither woman paid the least attention to the passage of time. They felt the need to spend every moment they could wrapped in each other's arms, savoring the almost unbelievable fact of their survival.  They shed many tears and shared even more laughs.  It was almost like old times, when they had free days on shore leave and spent them in strange hotel rooms without a care in the universe. Only this time there truly was no threat on the horizon, just endless hours of bliss to share while they waited for their ship to be ready to fly.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Shepard sat at the rickety table in the temporary Edinburgh apartment, pouring over one datapad out of a stack of half a dozen that littered the chipped wooden surface.  Her brows were furrowed as she studied ship movements and force estimates.  She had only been awake for a couple of hours, but already the ache in her head had overtaken the throb in her leg.  Numbers blurred in front of her eyes.  She let out a frustrated sigh as she tossed the datapad aside and grabbed the two empty mugs from the table.  She didn't bother to use her cane to take the four or five steps to the counter where the coffee pot stood half full.  She barely needed it for longer walks now, even just a few days out from the hospital.  She wondered if she owed thanks to her battalion of doctors or to Miranda's implants while she refilled their coffee mugs.

She peeked over Ash's shoulder when she went to the fridge for milk.  She was looking over personnel records, getting the crew assembled.  The screen was currently showing the file photo of Vega along with his exhaustive records.  Shepard reveled in the smell of actual milk hitting hot coffee as she poured.  She tried to remember the last time she had been able to enjoy real milk.  Some of the human colonies, especially the agricultural ones, raised cows.  Surely they had stopped at one or two of those places in the last year, but she couldn't quite remember.

She looked out the tiny window above the sink as she stirred.  The hot summer sun was just rising over what buildings were left.  Early morning fog was burning off almost before her eyes.  She had spent very little time on Earth in her life.  Really just the rare family vacation and her time in Brazil during Basic.  Then, of course, her time in prison back in Vancouver.  Her emotional connection to this place was strong, but it was more out of duty than affection.  She didn't feel at home here.  She could never feel at home in a place where her boots didn't ring on metal floors and where the time of day was determined by the rising and setting of an actual sun.  Her bones ached to be back aboard the Normandy.

"Penny for your thoughts."

Ash had put aside her datapad and gone to join her at the counter.  A familiar hand settled on the small of her back and she turned to smile into the woman's face, "Just itching to get back to my... to your ship."

Ashley picked up her coffee and held it to her lips, "To our ship."

"Nah, she's yours, Captain Williams.  I'm just a passenger.  A passenger who happens to outrank you and you have to share a cabin with."

Ashley laughed, her breath disrupting the steady flow of steam from her cup, "Hmmm... I think I'm going to enjoy the power play of that."  She waggled her eyebrows suggestively, "You know how much I enjoy a good looking Admiral."

Shepard gave her a lopsided grin and wrapped an arm around Ashley's waist, "So... how's the crew assignment coming along?"

Ashley pushed back from the counter and headed back to the table, all business.  She picked up the datapad and flipped through a few screens, "Not bad.  Vega's off to N7 training, so he's out.  But we have Joker and Traynor and Cortez still."

Shepard moved around to look over her shoulder again, putting one hand on Ashley's hip, "Chakwas?"

"Of course.  You won't get her off that boat unless it's in a body bag."

"How about our alien crew members?  Any of them sticking around?"

Ashley leaned back against Shepard as she spoke, "Haven't gotten word on all of them yet.  Javik's bugged off somewhere.  Left a cryptic note about talking to his crew and disappeared right after the battle."

Shepard wasn't all that disappointed to see him go.  He was a novelty at first and a strong fighter, but in the end she found his bloodthirstiness and lack of compassion to be unsettling.  She gave a noncommittal grunt and kissed the neck that was hovering enticingly in front of her.

Ashley's voice faltered for a moment before continuing, "Samara is going to live at the monastery with Falere, but she appreciated the offer."

Shepard kissed just behind Ashley's ear.

"Jacob expressed some interest about rejoining the Alliance, but his baby's due any minute.  He said maybe later.  And the merc, what's his name?  Zaeed.  He hasn't responded.  No one's really sure if he survived the battle.  Scattered reports of... of sightings... Would you stop that?"

Shepard removed her lips from Ashley's earlobe and said, "What?  I'm not doing anything."

"Were you even listening to me?"

"Were you even listening to me…”

Ashley smiled at the old joke and at the strong hands holding her hips in place, "Were you even listening to me, ma'am?"

Shepard's hand shot out, knocking the datapad out of Ashley's grip and spinning her around.  When the captain was facing her, she took the coffee cup from her hand and deposited both it and Ashley on the table, replying, "Not at all."

 

 

*****

 

 

The trip by shuttle to the hangar where the Normandy was docked took almost an hour.  Shepard and Ashley were the only passengers, and they had missed their scheduled departure time by half an hour because they were busy talking to Cortez.  An exasperated member of the ground crew at Edinburgh's incredibly busy little airport came running up to tell them to get into the air.  He stopped short when he saw he was about to tell off an Admiral.  Then he saw it was Shepard and he nearly burst into tears.  They decided it was best if they got off the ground at that point. 

Ashley's hand had settled on Shepard's knee as she watched the emerald green fields fly by beneath her.  Shepard may have no attachment to Earth, but she did.  Despite growing up in the colonies, this was the land of Tennyson and Wordsworth and Byron.  She drank in the sights and was filled.  Something in her soul knew this was home.  She was torn, eager to stay on this planet and eager to get to the Normandy.  It was her first command, but it was also the home of her heart so much more than this place was.  The Normandy was where she came into her own.  Where she had broken the Williams Curse and where she had fallen in love.  As much as this countryside captivated her, the Normandy was the only place she wanted to be.

When the shipyard finally came into view, Shepard's hand slipped on top of hers.  Their thoughts were bent in the same direction, she knew.  Shepard looked out the window to the spot where the nose of the Normandy was just visible and Ashley saw in her look the same serenity that was there when they were looking at each other.  As much tedium as there would be to the day-to-day organization of the fleet, Shepard would be happy because she would be in the stars instead of behind a desk.  Not to mention the odd opportunity to get into a firefight with slavers or Cerberus holdouts or your run-of-the-mill criminals.

Cortez couldn't take them directly into the shuttle bay while the ship was docked, so he set them down outside the hangar before going off to return the borrowed shuttle.  Shepard had been able to successfully demonstrate her fitness to Ashley that morning.  Twice.  So she was walking without her cane, having left the stick behind in the abandoned Scottish apartment.  The two of them, striding across the clipped grass lawn to the hangar in their pressed and polished dress blues with their medals glinting in the sunlight drew every eye within a mile.  Soldiers in short sleeves sweating under the load of massive shipping crates would stop and drop their burdens to stand at attention and salute.  For once in her life, Ashley was standing just as tall, just as proud, as Shepard.

There was a hint of nervousness in the way Shepard stood while the decontamination sequence completed.  She felt like she was about to meet a girlfriend's dad for the first time.  Her palms were sweaty with the anticipation of being back aboard.  What if it wasn't the same?  What if Joker hated her because EDI was gone?  The seals on the airlock popped and she was hit with a blast of cool, recycled air.  It was slightly stale and a little humid.  It smelled like Freon and dust.  It smelled like home.  She smiled as the tension left her body.

"You gonna stand there grinning like a fool or are you going aboard?"

Shepard turned to Ashley, who was bouncing on her toes, her hands behind her back, "This is your ship, Captain Williams.  Permission to come aboard, ma'am?"

Ashley blushed and her eyes shone a little more than normal, "Granted, Admiral."

Shepard nodded and fell into step behind Ash as they crossed the threshold.  Joker was standing just on the other side of the door, holding his back as rigidly as his disease would allow him and saluting, "Welcome aboard, Captain.  Welcome aboard, Admiral.  We cleaned her up nice for you.  She's purring like a kitten."

Ashley returned the salute and shook Joker's hand.  He turned his gaze from her to Shepard.  Something unspoken passed between them.  Not an apology and forgiveness, but more like regret and acceptance.  He nodded slightly and Shepard reached out, pulling him into a hug.  He stumbled into it and held his arms awkwardly at his sides for a moment.  When she didn’t release him, Joker said, "Uh... not sure what to do here, ma'am."

"Good to see you, too, Joker."  She pushed him back with a laugh and a slap on his shoulder.  He cringed and then smiled.

Ashley thought it best to take Shepard away before she really embarrassed Joker, "Come on, ma'am.  Time to inspect the crew."

They walked down into the CIC and saw half as many faces as were normally there.  Hackett had assured them that the ranks would swell after time had passed, but for now they'd have to get by with less than their normal complement of support staff.  A familiar blue form in a long white jacket stood very close to Samantha Traynor at the comm station.

"Flirting with my crew, Dr. T'soni?"  Ashley quipped as they approached.

Liara smiled, but Samantha blushed, pushing something at her neck under the standing collar of her uniform.

"It's actually Admiral T'Soni now, Captain."  She was grinning in that self-satisfied way she had picked up since Illium.  "The asari High Command has finally decided to dedicate resources to self-defense.  I am one of three new Admirals in the asari Navy.  I'll be travelling with you to show we're all in this together."

Shepard leaned against the railing of the galaxy map and said, "They couldn't have made a better choice, Liara."

"I think my father may have had something to do with my being selected."

Ashley said, "Or it could be how you've repeatedly pulled the Admiral here out of fights where she was in way over her head."

"Hey!"  Shepard yelled over the laughter of the three women. 

The elevator chimed and opened at that moment.  Off of it stepped Garrus and a very pregnant Tali, her hand on her side, huffing through her mask. 

"Shepard!"

"Hey, Tali!  Something about you is different."

Garrus grinned, his mandibles jumping around like a grasshopper on a hot day.  He put his clawed hand on Tali's shoulder and squeezed.  Tali looked up at him and said, "You can blame Vakarian."

Ashley slapped Garrus on the arm, saying, "Congratulations, Garrus.  You wait three years to tell her about your crush and then you get her pregnant on the first date.  It's almost like you're human."

"I just wanted to make sure she couldn't run off.  She runs a lot slower these days."

"Careful with the fat jokes, General, or you're not getting into this suit again."

Shepard whistled, "General, huh?  So we've got three admirals and a general on board.  Looks like you aren't keeping up, Ash."

Ashley turned to Shepard and said, under the cover of the other's laughter, "Careful yourself, Kennedy.  You know how much I like admirals, and I have several to choose from as your replacement."

Shepard pulled her in to an embrace and growled, "Don't make me kick everyone off of this ship, Captain."

Before they got too carried away, the door to the tech lab opened and a crew member carrying a tray of replacement parts walked in.  Shepard's face fell as she saw a familiar form sitting just inside the door at the scanner.  Ashley followed her look and sobered immediately.  She looked back at Shepard and nodded.  As they started to move off toward the scanner, Shepard held back. 

She leaned toward Liara and Samantha who were still standing indecently close together and whispered, "A collar, Liara?  How very interesting."

While she was certain no one else had noticed, Shepard had seen Traynor tucking a black leather collar with a heavy silver buckle underneath her uniform vest when they walked in.  Samantha blushed and reached for her neck, making sure the thick band was well hidden below her uniform.  Liara did not look the least bit embarrassed.  She put a possessive hand on Samantha's hip, and Traynor looked up at her with an adoration that warmed Shepard's heart.

"It was Samantha's idea, actually."  She was speaking as low as Shepard had, and no one else in the group was the wiser.  "Though she did not anticipate my reluctance to her taking it off when on duty.  After all, it is meant as a mark of ownership.  I own you when you are on duty as well, don't I?"

Samantha avoided Shepard's eye, but nodded without hesitation.

Shepard grinned and winked, saying just before moving off to join Ashley, "Just keep it under the uniform, Traynor.  It isn't exactly regulation.  More importantly, I don't want you giving your captain any ideas."

She turned on her heel and walked over to Ashley who gave her an inquisitive lift of her eyebrows.  She smiled and shook her head, but sobered again as they headed for the door.  It hissed open, and the soldier who had been seated by the scanner stood mechanically and walked to the controls without a backwards glance.  Her carriage and gate showed the solid strength of a marine, but her shoulders sagged with a loneliness that broke Ashley's heart.

Ashley cleared her throat, "Private Campbell."

The woman turned slowly, her close cropped blond hair shimmering blue in the light from the scanner.  There had been a spark in her eye the last time Shepard had walked through this room.  Now the eyes were hollow.  She gave a salute and an attempt at a smile, "Captain Williams.  Admiral Shepard.  Good to have you both back aboard."

"Very lifelike, Private."  Ashley took a step forward before continuing.  "I'm very sorry about Private Westmoreland."

Campbell’s eyes filled with tears, but she looked at the ceiling and was able to keep them from falling, "Thank you, Captain.  She was..."

She didn't seem to know how to finish the sentence, so she went silent.  Ashley said, "We were there with her when it happened.  She was strong and proud and very brave.  She went down fighting.  Like a marine."

Campbell couldn't stop the tears the second time around.  She kept her hands gripped behind her back and let them fall.

"I know you meant a great deal to her, Campbell."  Ashley pulled a small box from her pocket and handed it to the private.  She opened it to see Bethany's slightly battered dog tag in a thin frame.  "She would want you to have this."

Tears splashed down onto the glass of the frame.  Sarah closed the box quickly and nodded in appreciation.

Ashley put a hand on her shoulder and said in a soft voice, "I spent a long time grieving the loss of someone I loved in battle.  If you need to talk, you know where my cabin is.  Any time, day or night, understood?"

The look of gratitude on Campbell's face when she looked up at Ashley made Shepard's chest ache.  She wanted to reach out and hold her girlfriend.  To pull the woman into her arms and promise to never leave her.  That would have been a terribly painful scene for Campbell to watch, so she decided to save it for later.

Campbell's voice was thick with emotion when she said, "Thank you, Captain.  I appreciate it."

They turned to go, Shepard and Campbell exchanging a silent nod.  The private's voice stopped them when they got to the door, "Captain?"

"Yes?"

"I... Bethany was so proud to serve here on the Normandy, ma'am."  She looked between the two of them, trying and failing to find the words to give voice to her grief.  She slumped her shoulders again and finished, "She was so proud to serve... with you both."

Shepard turned and said, "We were proud to have her here.  And we're proud to have you, too."

Campbell nodded and they left the room. 

Ashley noticed an odd look on Shepard’s face as they left the room, “What?”

“Oh, I was just thinking.”

“What were you thinking?”

“ _If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue, Or walk with Kings- nor lose the common touch, If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you, If all men count with you, but none too much; If you can fill the unforgiving minute, With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run, Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it.”_

She reached out and took Ashley’s hand, giving it a little squeeze in their last moment alone.

 

******

 

 

Back out at the CIC, the little group was still crowding around Sam's station.  Shepard scanned over the happy faces of her friends and felt an overwhelming sense of relief at their presence.  The fact of their survival.  Looking back over the last three years she was able to feel the shock and wonder that they had somehow all lived.  It was impossible.  Miraculous, really.  When it was all happening there had been no time to feel fear or doubt.  No time to notice the razor's edge they had all been walking.  Now she saw every chance there had been to lose one or all of them.  To lose everything.  As she made her way with Ashley to the galaxy map, she thought of the God that Ashley believed in and she had started to consider.  She whispered a small 'thank you' to him.  Insufficient to encompass her happiness as it was, it felt like something.

Joker's voice piped out from overhead, "We have our clearance, Captain Williams.  Just enter coordinates and we can be off."

Ashley climbed the few steps up to the galaxy map and turned to look back at Shepard, "Where to, Admiral?"

Shepard looked at the galaxy map from her position between the comm station and the captain's landing.  She had never looked at the map from here. At this oblique angle she couldn’t see any particular system or cluster.  The galaxy looked to her from here the way it might look to someone on the surface of any planet.  It was a jumble of stars and nebulae merging together to make one bright, shimmering, beautiful whole.  No one star or station appearing brighter than any other.  It was a vast landscape of opportunities and discoveries.  She felt like a star gazer in the days before space travel, who picked out one shimmering dot of light from all the others and wondered what it would be like to be there. 

Kennedy Shepard smiled, scanning the expectant faces of her friends, and then looked up at Ashley's beaming face and said, "Second star to the right and straight on till morning."

 

 

**The End**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The poem quoted in this chapter is 'If-' by Rudyard Kipling
> 
> Well folks, that's it! Thanks for sticking around all this time to read my fic. I've loved writing these two so much, and it was great fun to give them a happy ending.
> 
> For the record, I'm aware that it got SUPER cheesy there at the end, but I am a happily-ever-after kinda girl and I just have to own it. :)


End file.
